Business jargon we all hate

Business jargon we all hate, by Tom Cutler of “The Gentleman’s Instant Genius Guide” fame. Only criticism? He missed a few (paradigm, helicopter view, push the envelope etc). Anyway, enjoy:

Here are twenty-five examples of hideous business jargon, with notes, and translations into English. Where does this rubbish come from?

1. Going forward: ‘in future’
2. Seamless: nonsense
3. Global: ‘offices in more than one country’
4. Blue-sky thinking: nonsense
5. Change management: sugar-coated mass sackings
6. Implement: ‘do’
7. Team leader: ‘upstart’
8. Consultancy: ‘money for old rope’
9. Team player: code for ‘lacklustre and useless’
10. Not a team player: ‘rude, selfish, and unpleasant’
11. Think outside the box: a cliché revealing the user to be thinking inside the box
12. Strategy: a military term, which generally just means ‘plan’
13. Actioning: ‘doing’, or telling someone else to do
14. Escalate up: take something to the/a boss. The ‘up’ is redundant
15. Leveraging: just horrible – verbing nouns weirds language
16. Manage expectations: make sure X knows how useless you are
17. Turnkey solution: unutterable nonsense
18. Upskill: ‘train’
19. Pushing the envelope: a maths term reduced to nonsense by ignoramuses
20. Best practice: not putting a live toaster in the bath with you
21. Enabler: lazy boss
22. Facetime: hideous nonsense
23. Repurpose: hammer in nail with screwdriver
24. Robust: likely to come apart at any moment
25. World-class: about as crappy as everyone else

2 responses to “Business jargon we all hate

  1. Brilliant! Sadly, this list will just keep growing, as the morons in management keep coming up with new ways to abuse the English language, in an effort to look clever or professional. The latest on my “I can’t believe he said that” list is “onboard”, used as a verb, as in “He will onboard to his new role next month”. Arrrggghh!

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