He’s perhaps most famous for his short story An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge and for his satirical lexicon The Devil’s Dictionary, while his motto “nothing matters” earned him the nickname “Bitter Bierce”.

Born in 1842 to parents who, though poor, instilled in him a love for books and for writing, he was the tenth of thirteen children (each of whose name began with ‘A’- in order of birth they were Abigail, Amelia, Ann, Addison, Aurelius, Augustus, Almeda, Andrew, Albert, Ambrose, Arthur, Adelia, and Aurelia. He left home at 15 to work on an Ohio newspaper.

He fought for the Union from the outset of the American Civil War. As well as fighting in “the first battle” at Philippi and rescuing, under fire, a wounded comrade at Rich Mountain, he fought at the Battle of Shiloh in 1862 – a terrifying experience he later drew on for short stories and his memoir. In 1864, he sustained a bad head wound. He was, in short, no wallflower.

Even if you put his war experience – and the trouble his wounds caused him later in life – to one side, he had reason enough to be cantankerous and sardonic. Married in 1871, he separated from his wife in 1888 when he found letters to her from an admirer. The following year, his son Day was shot dead in a brawl over a woman. Two years after that, his remaining son Leigh died from pneumonia brought about by alcoholism.

By the time he was married, however, he was already a prolific and successful writer. As well as writing for newspapers and periodicals both in the US and in England, he wrote ghost stories, short stories, war stories, poems…you name it. All with a very pure, economical style. The Devil’s Dictionary is still quoted a lot today (and probably will be below, too).

In 1913, at the age of 71, he set off for Mexico to see the Pancho Villa revolution for himself. He wrote the following letters to his niece before he left, and was never heard from again.

Dear Lora,

I go away tomorrow for a long time, so this is only to say good-bye. I think there is nothing else worth saying; therefore you will naturally expect a long letter. What an intolerable world this would be if we said nothing but what is worth saying! And did nothing foolish — like going into Mexico and South America.

I’m hoping that you will go to the mine soon. You must hunger and thirst for the mountains — Carlt [her husband, Carlton] likewise. So do I. Civilization be dinged! — It is the mountains and the desert for me.

Good-by — if you hear of my being stood up against a Mexican stone wall and shot to rags please know that I think that a pretty good way to depart his life. It beats old age, disease, or falling down the cellar stairs. To be a Gringo in Mexico — ah, that is euthanasia!

With love to Carlt, affectionately yours,

Ambrose

Lora received another short letter from Bierce on November 6 of that same year, reporting that he was in Laredo, Texas. The letter concluded: “I shall not be here long enough to hear from you, and don’t know where I shall be next. Guess it doesn’t matter much. Adios, Ambrose.”

–

Doubt, indulged and cherished, is in danger of becoming denial; but if honest, and bent on thorough investigation, it may soon lead to full establishment of the truth.

Immortality: A toy which people cry for, And on their knees apply for, Dispute, contend and lie for, And if allowed Would be right proud Eternally to die for.

I believe we shall come to care about people less and less. The more people one knows the easier it becomes to replace them. It’s one of the curses of London.

“Peyton Fahrquhar was dead; his body, with a broken neck, swung gently from side to side beneath the timbers of the Owl Creek bridge.”
From An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge

A person who doubts himself is like a man who would enlist in the ranks of his enemies and bear arms agains himself. He makes his failure certain by himself being the first person to be convinced of it.

War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.

Heathen, n. A benighted creature who has the folly to worship something that he can see and feel.

Bore, n.: A person who talks when you wish him to listen.

Dawn: When men of reason go to bed.

Philosophy: A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.

Twice: Once too often.

Christian, n.: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor.

All are lunatics, but he who can analyse his delusion is called a philosopher.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

There is nothing new under the sun but there are lots of old things we don’t know.

We know what happens to people who stay in the middle of the road. They get run over.

Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.

Impiety. Your irreverence toward my deity.

The small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify we give the name of knowledge.

What this country needs what every country needs occasionally is a good hard bloody war to revive the vice of patriotism on which its existence as a nation depends.

There are four kinds of Homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.

To apologize is to lay the foundation for a future offense.

When you doubt, abstain.

Who never doubted, never half believed. Where doubt is, there truth is – it is her shadow.

To be positive is to be mistaken at the top of one’s voice.

Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.

Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.

Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate.

Success is the one unpardonable sin against our fellows.

Day, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent.

Edible, adj.: Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm.

The best thing to do with the best things in life is to give them up.

Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum (I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.)

Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.

Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.

The covers of this book are too far apart.

You are not permitted to kill a woman who has wronged you, but nothing forbids you to reflect that she is growing older every minute. You are avenged 1440 times a day.

The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.

An egotist is a person of low taste – more interested in himself than in me.

Miss, n. A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate they are in the market. Miss, Misses (Mrs.) and Mister (Mr.) are the three most distinctly disagreeable words in the language, in sound and sense. Two are corruptions of Mistress, the other of Master. In the general abolition of social titles in this our country they miraculously escaped to plague us. If we must have them let us be consistent and give one to the unmarried man. I venture to suggest Mush, abbreviated to Mh.

Infidel, n. In New York, one who does not believe in the Christian religion; in Constantinople, one who does.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Peace in international affairs: a period of cheating between periods of fighting.

It is evident that skepticism, while it makes no actual change in man, always makes him feel better.

To men a man is but a mind. Who cares
What face he carries or what form he wears?
But woman’s body is the woman. O,
Stay thou, my sweetheart, and do never go,
But heed the warning words the sage hath said:
A woman absent is a woman dead.

Lawsuit: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.

Sabbath – a weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made the world in six days and was arrested on the seventh.

Hippogriff, n. An animal (now extinct) which was half horse and half griffin. The griffin was itself a compound creature, half lion and half eagle. The hippogriff was actually, therefore, only one-quarter eagle, which is two dollars and fifty cents in gold. The study of zoology is full of surprises.

Plagiarism, n. A literary coincidence compounded of a discreditable priority and an honorable subsequence.

Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.

Mark how my fame rings out from zone to zone:
A thousand critics shouting: “He’s unknown!”

Be as decent as you can. Don’t believe without evidence. Treat things divine with marked respect — don’t have anything to do with them. Do not trust humanity without collateral security; it will play you some scurvy trick. Remember that it hurts no one to be treated as an enemy entitled to respect until he shall prove himself a friend worthy of affection. Cultivate a taste for distasteful truths. And, finally, most important of all, endeavor to see things as they are, not as they ought to be.

Woman would be more charming if one could fall into her arms without falling into her hands.

–
Find out lots more about Bierce by following the links at the bottom of this page.

If you liked this piece, there’s a load more of The Guy Quote articles here.

Tip of the hat and a thankyewverymuch to Olly Figg, who suggested Bierce in the first place.

Jimmy Smith (December 8, 1928 February 8, 2005) was a jazz musician whose performances on the Hammond B-3 electric organ helped to popularize this instrument. In 2005, Smith was awarded the NEA Jazz Masters Award from the National Endowment for the Arts, the highest honors that the United States bestows upon jazz musicians.

While the electric organ was used in jazz by Fats Waller and Count Basie, Smith’s virtuoso improvisation technique on the Hammond helped to popularize the electric organ as a jazz and blues instrument. For ballads, he played walking bass lines on the bass pedals. For uptempo tunes, he would play the bass line on the lower manual and use the pedals for emphasis on the attack of certain notes, which helped to emulate the attack and sound of a string bass.

Okay, one more because he’s just TOO good:

[this picture] is of a Promotion of mine at Feltham Assembly Rooms, Felthem, Middlesex. There you can see a Tag match with Dino Scarlo and his Dad against Bob Taylor and Paul Knight and it bought the house down. They were really good and got some terrific heat going there the audience loved it. One problem was that it was a charity do and the Mayor and his Lady were there and I was on with Jim Martell from Engelfield Green and during the bout he aimed me through the ropes and I ended up going over and getting ny neck caught between the middle and top rope. As I am hanging there and they are trying to get me out the Mayoress fainted and luckily had a St Johns Ambulance chap there on duty who managed to bring her round and sort it out, and the show went on after they left. The one good thing there was that my pal a Publican got the license to run the bar there and we made a nice few bob that way, including everyone getting paid. We raised a fair sum and it was later presented to the Mayor but I have lost the newspaper cutting of it.

Above image and copy is from Rik Sands, on the British Wrestlers’ Reunion page – well worth going there, it has some great old photos and stories.

And then below, the following is extracted from the Wikipedia glossary of common wrestling terms:

Alignment – the personality type used by wrestlers. For example, if they are a babyface, they are said to be “face-aligned”. See also heel and tweener.

Angle – a fictional storyline. An angle usually begins when one wrestler attacks another (physically or verbally), which results in revenge.^[2] An angle may be as small as a single match or a vendetta that lasts for years. It is not uncommon to see an angle become retconned due to it not getting “over” with the fans, or if one of the wrestlers currently involved in the angle is released from his contract.

Babyface – a good guy. (Referred to as a Blue-Eye in British Wrestling.) See also heel and tweener

Bump – when a wrestler hits the mat or ground. A flat back bump is a bump in which a wrestler lands solidly on his back with high impact, spread over as much surface as possible. A phantom bump occurs when a wrestler or referee takes a bump even though the move they are selling was visibly botched or otherwise not present.^[1] Phantom bumps are most commonly performed when the offensive wrestler is new.

Burial (or Bury) – refers to the worked lowering (relegation) of a popular wrestler’s status in the eyes of the fans. It is the act of a promoter or booker causing a wrestler to lose popularity by forcing him to lose in squash matches, continuously, and/or participate in unentertaining or degrading storylines. It can be a form of punishment for real-life backstage disagreements or feuds between the wrestler and the booker, the wrestler falling out of favor with the company, or the wrestler receiving an unpopular gimmick that causes him to lose credibility regardless of win-loss record. It is also a result of a company seeing a wrestler as having no potential or charisma. The term can also be applied to a wrestling company that jumps the shark, rapidly loses ratings, fans, and finally becomes bankrupt. Some notable pro wrestling personnel that are notoriously synonymous with burying include Triple H, Kevin Nash and Hulk Hogan.

Carny – a language used by wrestlers to talk to each other around people not associated with the business so they would not understand what they were saying, often used to keep the secrets of the business (see kayfabe).

Claret – to draw blood. Especially in UK Professional Wrestling. A promoter might say “I want some claret in this match”.

Finisher – a wrestler’s signature move that leads to a finish. Some Finishers Include Randy Orton‘s RKO, Eddie Guerrero‘s Frog Splash, John Cena‘s Attitude Adjustment, or Diamond Dallas Page’s “Diamond Cutter” This can be a unique move entirely (like Razor Ramone’s Inverted Crucifix) or a known standard move with a new name. A “Finisher” can also be a submission like the Sharpshooter or a flying maneuver like the Frog Splash or the West Coast Pop.

Flair flip - a move, popularized by Ric Flair, where a wrestler is flipped upside down upon hitting the corner turnbuckle and often ends up on the other side of the ropes on his feet on the ring apron.

Flair flop – also a Ric Flair specialty, it involves falling flat on one’s face as a delayed sell of an opponent’s offense.

Kayfabe – term used to describe the illusion (and up-keep of the illusion) that professional wrestling is not staged (i.e. that the on-screen situations between wrestlers represent reality). Also used by wrestlers as a signal to close ranks and stop discussing business due to an uninformed person arriving in earshot. The term is said to have been loosely derived from the Pig Latin pronunciation of the word “fake” (“akefay”).

Luchas de Apuestas – with the importance placed on masks in lucha libre, losing the mask to an opponent is seen as the ultimate insult, and can at times seriously hurt the career of the unmasking wrestler. Putting one’s mask on the line against a hated opponent is a tradition in lucha libre as a means to settle a heated feud between two or more wrestlers. In these battles, called luchas de apuestas (“matches with wagers”), the wrestlers usually “wager” either their mask or their hair, though there are wagers involving other items as well. While the culture of Luchas de Apuestas is unique to Mexico, matches of this sort do occur elsewhere. A famous example in the United States took place during the 1977 promotional war in Memphis. Bill Dundee and Jerry Lawler engaged in a feud which lasted for several months. The blow off match, a hair versus hair match in which Dundee lost his hair, did not end the feud. The following week, Lawler put up his hair against the hair of Dundee’s wife Beverly and was once again victorious.

Parts Unknown – billing a wrestler as being from “Parts Unknown” (rather than from his real hometown or another actual place) is intended to add to a wrestler’s mystique. In some territories, the phrase commonly was applied to masked wrestlers. In the post-kayfabe era, it is used less and less, and usually with a certain air of levity. Sometimes, wrestlers can hail from other, abstract places; for example, the tag team of Deuce ‘n Domino hailed from “the other side of the tracks”, the Dudley family who came from “Dudleyville,” The Boogeyman who came from “the bottomless pit,” Shark Boy is billed from “the deep blue sea,” Eric Young who, for a time, came from “Freedomville, USA,” and “Now residing in an undisclosed location,” and Judas Mesias, who came from “The Depths of Hell.” In an interview, Chris Jericho described it as a city in central Wisconsin.

Potato – striking or hurting another wrestler more than necessary. A wrestler who endures one or more potatoes is likely to potato the perpetrator back, which is known as a ‘receipt’.

Suplex – the move consists of one wrestler picking up his or her opponent off the ground (or mat) and then using a large portion of his or her own body weight to drive the opponent down on the mat.

It might be slightly cynical, but in many ways it’s scarily real. Then of course there’s Ricky Roma (Al Pacino), but I’ll leave you to discover him. Best to just watch the movie.

That’s her, second from the left. Happy birthday Jen. Love you.

x

“The hype surrounding [Grimes,] the Montreal indie-electronic artist is well deserved. Taking cues from everything from Korean pop music, Russian ballet and heavy synth- she’s managed to defy genre. With her recent signing to 4AD, Grimes has been catapulted to a new dimension of hip, and rightfully so – her latest track, “Genesis” off her upcoming “Visions” is a synthy gem.” Via BOOOOOOOOM.

Little Dragon are a Swedish electronic band, formed in Gothenburg in 1996.[2] It consists of Swedish-Japanese singer Yukimi Nagano (vocals, percussion) and her close high school friends Erik Bodin (drums), Fredrik Källgren Wallin (bass) and Håkan Wirenstrand (keyboards). The band’s name was inspired by the “Little Dragon” nickname Nagano earned due to the “fuming tantrums” she used to throw while recording in the studio. “It’s a little exaggerated but there is some truth in it”, Nagano said. “But we’ve grown up a bit and I realised you can’t have a fit every day because otherwise you won’t be able to stand each other.” Via Tru.ly

Late-1979, New York Times columnist William Safire compiled a list of “Fumblerules of Grammar” — rules of writing, all of which are humorously self-contradictory — and published them in his popular column, “On Language.” Those 36 fumblerules can be seen below, along with another 18 that later featured in Safire’s book, Fumblerules: A Lighthearted Guide to Grammar and Good Usage.

Trivia: Safire previously worked as a speechwriter and was, in 1969, responsible for penning Nixon’s thankfully unused and incredibly chilling, “IN EVENT OF MOON DISASTER” speech.

(Source: Maximum Awesome; Image: William Safire in 1968, courtesy ofNYTimes.)

1. Remember to never split an infinitive.
2. A preposition is something never to end a sentence with.
3. The passive voice should never be used.
4. Avoid run-on sentences they are hard to read.
5. Don’t use no double negatives.
6. Use the semicolon properly, always use it where it is appropriate; and never where it isn’t.
7. Reserve the apostrophe for it’s proper use and omit it when its not needed.
8. Do not put statements in the negative form.
9. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
10. No sentence fragments.
11. Proofread carefully to see if you words out.
12. Avoid commas, that are not necessary.
13. If you reread your work, you can find on rereading a great deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing.
14. A writer must not shift your point of view.
15. Eschew dialect, irregardless.
16. And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction.
17. Don’t overuse exclamation marks!!!
18. Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more words, to their antecedents.
19. Hyphenate between sy-llables and avoid un-necessary hyphens.
20. Write all adverbial forms correct.
21. Don’t use contractions in formal writing.
22. Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.
23. It is incumbent on us to avoid archaisms.
24. If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.
25. Steer clear of incorrect forms of verbs that have snuck in the language.
26. Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.
27. Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
28. Never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
29. Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing.
30. If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times, resist hyperbole.
31. Also, avoid awkward or affected alliteration.
32. Don’t string too many prepositional phrases together unless you are walking through the valley of the shadow of death.
33. Always pick on the correct idiom.
34. “Avoid overuse of ‘quotation “marks.”‘”
35. The adverb always follows the verb.
36. Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague; They’re old hat; seek viable alternatives.
37. Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.
38. Employ the vernacular.
39. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
40. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
41. Contractions aren’t necessary.
42. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
43. One should never generalize.
44. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.”
45. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
46. Don’t be redundant; don’t use more words than necessary; it’s highly superfluous.
47. Be more or less specific.
48. Understatement is always best.
49. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
50. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
51. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
52. Who needs rhetorical questions?
53. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
54. capitalize every sentence and remember always end it with a point

And I will stroll the merry way
And jump the hedges first
And I will drink the clear
Clean water for to quench my thirst
And I shall watch the ferry-boats
And they’ll get high
On a bluer ocean
Against tomorrow’s sky
And I will never grow so old again
And I will walk and talk
In gardens all wet with rain

Oh sweet thing, sweet thing
My, my, my, my, my sweet thing
And I shall drive my chariot
Down your streets and cry
‘Hey, it’s me, I’m dynamite
And I don’t know why’
And you shall take me strongly
In your arms again
And I will not remember
That I even felt the pain.
We shall walk and talk
In gardens all misty and wet with rain
And I will never, never, never
Grow so old again.

Oh sweet thing, sweet thing
My, my, my, my, my sweet thing
And I will raise my hand up
Into the night time sky
And count the stars
That’s shining in your eye
Just to dig it all an’ not to wonder
That’s just fine
And I’ll be satisfied
Not to read in between the lines
And I will walk and talk
In gardens all wet with rain
And I will never, ever, ever, ever
Grow so old again.
Oh sweet thing, sweet thing
Sugar-baby with your champagne eyes
And your saint-like smile….

“I’m just going to be happy to be buffeted, by whatever comes along, and then seize some things and try to work on them. But, we live for such a ridiculously short time in this life, even those of us who are fortunate to have health and all that sort of stuff…to not add being with people one loves and spending time with them – you know my parents now are eighty – so to spend time with them, and my nieces, and myself and, I hope, with someone who I can make a life with…this is as important to me as literary inspiration or [learning] Welsh or pottery.”

Vikram Seth, author of A Suitable Boy, interviewed on Desert Island Discs. 

The BBC has an extraordinary recording of a conversation between the Italian coast guard and Francesco Schettino, the captain of the Costa Concordia, who has been accused of abandoning ship.

“This is DiFalco,” it begins. “Am I speaking to the captain?”

“Yes, good evening, DiFalco.”

“Tell me your name.”

“This is Captain Schettino.”

“Schettino, listen, there are people trapped on board. You need to go with your lifeboat under the bow of the ship. Go right around. There’s a ladder. Go up the ladder, get on board the ship. You have to get on board, report back how many people there are. Is that clear? Look, I’m recording this conversation.”

Schettino stalls. The conversation escalates, as DiFalco tries to roust him out of complacency.

“Tell me if there are women, children, or anyone that needs assistance. Report back. How many in each of these categories. Look, Schettino, get on board now!*”

“Commander, please!”

“No, not please! You will get on board. Will you assure me that, that you are going on board now?”

Over the course of the three-minute tape, Schettino resorts to all manner of excuses: he’s coördinating with another boat, he’s with the second-in-command, it is getting dark. His fear is as palpable as it is pitiable. He sounds like a teen-ager trying to get out of doing his homework, but what he doesn’t want to do is die.

*UPDATE: Pier Andrea Canei, from Milan, writes that the BBC translation, while accurate enough, misses something in tone: “More like ‘get the f**k back on board.’ It is Italy’s top trending hashtag: #vadaabordocazzo.”

(By Lauren Collins in the New Yorker)