Category Archives: silly

Poster WIN

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Tickle my vagina (lyrics may offend)

I’m keeping my beard.

And the classic follow-up track, “Show me your genitals”:

Heheh

Name that tune

On a cool, clear night (typical to Southern California) Warren G travels through his neighborhood, searching for women with whom he might initiate sexual intercourse. He has chosen to engage in this pursuit alone.

Nate Dogg, having just arrived in the east side of Long Beach, seeks Warren. On his way to find Warren, Nate passes a car full of women who are excited to see him. Regardless, he insists to the women that there is no cause for excitement.

Warren makes a left turn at 21st Street and Lewis Ave, in the East Hill/Salt Lake neighborhood, where he sees a group of young men enjoying a game of dice together. He parks his car and greets them. He is excited to find people to play with, but to his chagrin, he discovers they intend to relieve him of his material possessions. Once the hopeful robbers reveal their firearms, Warren realizes he is in a less than favorable predicament.

Meanwhile, Nate passes the women, as they are low on his list of priorities. His primary concern is locating Warren. After curtly casting away the strumpets (whose interest in Nate was such that they crashed their automobile), he serendipitously stumbles upon his friend, Warren G, being held up by the young miscreants.

Warren, unaware that Nate is surreptitiously observing the scene unfold, is in disbelief that he is being robbed. The perpetrators have taken jewelry and a Rolex Watch from Warren, who is so incredulous that he asks what else the robbers intend to steal. This is most likely a rhetorical question.

Observing these unfortunate proceedings, Nate realizes that he may have to use his firearm to deliver his friend from harm.

The tension crescendos as the robbers point their guns to Warren’s head. Warren senses the gravity of his situation. He cannot believe the events unfolding could happen in his own neighborhood. As he imagines himself making a fantastical escape, he catches a glimpse of his friend, Nate.

Nate has seventeen cartridges (sixteen residing in the pistol‘s magazine, with a solitary round placed in the chamber and ready to be fired) to expend on the group of robbers. Afterward, he generously shares the credit for neutralizing the situation with Warren, though it is clear that Nate did all of the difficult work. Putting congratulations aside, Nate quickly reminds himself that he has committed multiple homicides to save Warren before letting his friend know that there are females nearby if he wishes to fornicate with them.

Warren recalls that it was the promise of copulation that coaxed him away from his previous activities, and is thankful that Nate knows a way to satisfy these urges. Nate quickly finds the women who earlier crashed their car on Nate’s account. He remarks to one that he is fond of her physical appeal. The woman, impressed by Nate’s singing ability, asks that he and Warren allow her and her friends to share transportation. Soon, both friends are driving with automobiles full of women to the East Side Motel, presumably to consummate their flirtation in an orgy.

The third verse is more expository, with Warren and Nate explaining their G Funk musical style. Warren displays his bravado by daring anyone to approach the style. There follows a brief discussion of the genre’s musicological features, with special care taken to point out that in said milieu the rhythm is not in fact the rhythm, as one might assume, but actually the bass. Similarly the bass serves a purpose closer to that which the treble would in more traditional musical forms. Nate displays his bravado by claiming that individuals with equivalent knowledge could not even attempt to approach his level of lyrical mastery. Nate goes on to note that if any third party smokes as he does, they would find themselves in a state of intoxication almost daily (from Nate’s other works, it can be inferred that the substance referenced is marijuana). Nate concludes his delineation of the night by issuing a threat to “busters,” suggesting that he and Warren will further “regulate” any potential incidents in the future (presumably by engaging their antagonists with small arms fire).

Regulate (song) – Wikipedia

(via Day of the Dreamers)

On the Ning Nang Nong

On the Ning Nang Nong
Where the Cows go Bong!
and the monkeys all say BOO!
There’s a Nong Nang Ning
Where the trees go Ping!
And the tea pots jibber jabber joo.
On the Nong Ning Nang
All the mice go Clang
And you just can’t catch ‘em when they do!
So its Ning Nang Nong
Cows go Bong!
Nong Nang Ning
Trees go ping
Nong Ning Nang
The mice go Clang
What a noisy place to belong
is the Ning Nang Ning Nang Nong!!

Spike Milligan

Tron-a-Sutra

This fantastic instructional series COMPLETE WITH INSTRUCTIONAL VIDEO comes from Wonder How To…Click HERE for the full genius.

Let’s say you’re a 15-year-old boy nerd looking to SCORE. Real life experience has been… limited. (Ok, you’re a virgin.) Lara Croft was inspired (nine years ago when you were six-years-old!). So, where are the sex-ed tutorials that are awesomely geek-friendly?

You can turn to internet porn. But frankly, where’s the romance in that? You can read the Kama Sutra. But really. Sanskrit and Asian cartoon drawings?

At long last, everything a boy nerd needs to know about procreation, but was afraid to ask. One of WonderHowTo’s boy nerd friends crafted twenty glorious and oh-so-important positions for your viewing pleasure. Nine months from today Geek Nation’s population will swell. Watch out world!

Introducing the geek version of the Kama Sutra: SCORE – a users guide to sexual positions. (That last one is called The Drive-Thru)

Now watch the whole set and bone up on your boning.

Of course, you’ll be needing a sound track:

Failbook – words fail me

Wow… just wow…

And if that wasn’t bad enough, somehow this little beauty managed to actually get through the clever police…

You are awesome

Awesomeness Reminders
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* Makes for a great gift – Give AwesomenessReminders to yourself, a friend, or your child

It would be like having your own baby hedgehog AND a newborn fennec fox in your top pocket.

Caught red handed!

You ever get caught swearing behind someone’s back? There’s nothing worse than that sudden flood of realisation – you sort of lose control of your face for a second. Now imagine doing it on national TV. Check out this guy’s spazz hand.

If history had Facebook…


Thank you Maria!

Sometimes a great notion…

The genius of creation

Whenever I think about any sort of script or contrived scene, I always like to imagine the creative meeting behind it. And for the life of me, this (unedited) extract defies reconstruction. Drumroll please, for a bonkers stream-of-consciousness overload – stage directions/storyboard from season one of Monty Python’s Flying Circus (opening scene from episode five: Man’s crisis of identity in the latter half of the twentieth century).

Cut to large van arriving. On one side is a large sign readling ‘Confuse-a-Cat Limited: Europe’s leading cat-confusing service. By appointment to…’ and a crest. Several people get out of the van, dressed in white coats, with peaked caps and insignia. One of them has a sergeant’s stripes.

Sergeant Squad! Eyes front! Stand at ease. Cat confusers …shun!

From a following car a general alights.

General Well men, we’ve got a pretty difficult cat to confuse today so let’s get straight on with it. Jolly good. Thank you sergeant.
Sergeant Confusers attend to the van and fetch out… wait for it… fetch out the funny things. (the men unload the van) Move, move, move. One, two, one, two, get those funny things off.

The workmen are completing the erection of a proscenium with curtains in front of the still immobile cat. A and B watch with awe. The arrangements are completed. All stand ready.

Sergeant Stage ready for confusing, sir!
General Very good. Carry on, sergeant.
Sergeant Left turn, double march!
General Right men, confuse the … cat!

Drum roll and cymbals. The curtains draw back and an amazing show takes place, using various tricks: locked camera, fast motion, jerky motion, jump cuts, some pixilated motion etc. Long John Silver walks to front of stage.

Long John Silver My lords, ladies and Gedderbong.

Long John Silver disappears. A pause. Two boxers appear. They circle each other. On one’s head a bowler hat appears, vanishes. On the other’s a sterve-pipe hat appears. On the first’s head is a fez. The stove-pipe hat becomes a stetson. The fez becomes a cardinal’s hat. The stetson becomes a wimple. Then the cardinal’s hat and the wimple vanish. One of the boxers becomes Napoleon and the other boxer is astonished. Napoleon punches the boxer with the hand inside his jacket. The boxer falls, stunned. Horizontally he shoots off stage. Shot of cat, watching unimpressed. Napoleon does one-legged pixilated dance across stage and off, immediately reappearinng on other side of stage doing same dance in same direction. He reaches the other side, but is halted by a traffic policeman. The policeman beckons onto the stage a man in a penguin skin on a pogostick. The penguin gets halfway across and then turns into a dustbin. Napoleon hops off stage. Policeman goes to dustbin, opens it and Napoleon gets out. Shot of cat, still unmoved. A nude man with a towel round his waist gets out of the dustbin. Napoleon points at ground. A chair appears where he points. The nude man gets on to the chair, jumps in the air and vanishes. Then Napoleon points to ground by him and a small cannon appears. Napoleon fires cannon and the policeman disappears. The man with the towel round his waist gets out of the dustbin and is chased off stage by the penguin on the pogostick. A sedan chair is carried on stage by two chefs. The man with the towel gets out and the penguin appears from the dustbin and chases him off. Napoleon points to sedan chair and it changes into dustbin. Man in towel runs back on to stage and jumps in dustbin. He looks out and the penguin appears from the other dustbin and hits him on the head with a raw chicken. Shot of cat still unimpressed. Napoleon, the man with the towel round his waist, the policeman, a boxer, and a chef suddenly appear standing in a line, and take a bow. They immediately change positions and take another bow. The penguin appears at the end of the line with a puff of smoke. Each one in turn jumps in the air and vanishes. Shot of passive cat.
Cut to Mr A and Mrs B watching with the general.

…aaaaaand compare with the actual finished product (the extract is from 2:10 onwards or so, but you should really watch the whole thing – I won’t tell you the ending in case it spoils it)

Imagine writing that (about a cat). Pretty phat. And yet when you see the sketch, it all sort of makes sense.

Dance.

POW!
Yeah, that just happened.

Draw and fold over

I still get a hankering for Picture Consequences. You might know it by a different name, but it’s the one you play when you draw a head on a piece of paper, fold it over and pass it on to your mate who draws neck down to belt, they pass it on to someone who does waist down to knees, etc.

Draw And Fold Over drags this old parlour game into the virtual world, but with a distinctly analogue feel. Pass your drawing on, share it on Facebook, all that jazz.

Procrastination: win.

UPDATE: Charlie Bayliss just put up a link to Postal Consequences, a website that uploads scans of beautiful snail mail versions of the game: http://www.postalconsequences.com/ – checkacheckacheckitouuuuut.

This Goat is an Asshole

Possibly the funniest thing I’ve seen in ages. I actually got a bit of muesli lodged in the back of my nose. Spotted it on Buzzfeed, which captioned it: “The dude’s just trying to ask you a few question, goat. Quit being such a dick.”

(oh, it’s an Ibex, not a goat though)

Old Spice Guy is HISTORY

Long live DOVE MAN!

Why is there a bath mat on my wall? Because I make babies. Beautiful babies.

Steve

(Via)

Huuuuge skateboard

Massive skateboard.

Really really big.

Dad Life

Keepin’ it real. I’m gonna get me some dockers. Hate on those mockers. Got me a ride – Skoda – source of my pride.

(*ps attribution – it’s actually by Church On The Move)

No wait – please feed me your lunch