I think I’ve seen some of Dallas Clayton’s books around and about, but I didn’t know about his AWESOME WEBSITE until I stumbled upon it here. If you have a spare minute or two, go check him out. He posts pictures, poems, musings, messages and more. Lovely job. Here are some things he has done (ps – where can I get a falconer’s glove?):
HOW TO MEET THE GIRL OF YOUR DREAMS (FOOLPROOF)
Buy a falconer’s glove.
Approach the girl you like wearing the falconers glove.
Ask her “Excuse me, have you seen a falcon fly by here?”
Look up to the sky, hopeful/sad.
If she says “No,” look distraught and ask her if she wouldn’t mind helping you look for your falcon.
No human being would ever turn down an opportunity like this.
Use the time you spend together searching for the falcon to get to know her.
At the end of your search (10 minutes) you will probably need consoling re: the loss of your one true friend.
By this point her interest in you based on the fact that you were able to put so much love and time into the raising of a falcon will more than ensure a second date, and from there it’s just a hop skip and a jump to marriage.
*NOTE: If by chance a falcon does appear out of nowhere, simply say ” (falcon’s name) I’ve missed you so much! Don’t ever scare me like that again!” Then offer to take the girl to dinner for helping you find your lost falcon. Bonus: You just got a free falcon!
At the dinner table
upon her going away to college
we discuss what dogs we would all be,
a common enough question
but not one you can answer on your own.
You cannot choose
because we cannot all be show dogs
or winners of races.
But if we are lucky
and spirited at all the right times
some can get named
with big sloppy smiles
warm and perfect for cuddling.
How important is it,
On a scale of one to ten
for an adult human being to know what a stegosaurus is?
How important is it
for an adult human being to not not know what a stegosaurus is?
When you’re in the midst of a breakdown
remember that others with far more to lose
and much further to go
have been where you are
and emerged unscathed
by doing little more
than continuing forward
with their heads down
and their boots tightly laced.
THOUGHTS OF A PROPERTY MANAGER
Been washing the cement
on this same parking lot
every day for the past six years.
No one pays me.
Just like doing it.
It doesn’t get much cleaner
than it was the day before.
But the smell is nice
And I get to wave to people
on their way
to whatever jobs
they’ve been cut out to do.
Don’t know the name of the man who owns this parking lot
or where this hose is connected
but I like what I do.
And I don’t have to dress up for it.