Dallas Clayton: writer, illustrator, generally awesome

I think I’ve seen some of Dallas Clayton’s books around and about, but I didn’t know about his AWESOME WEBSITE until I stumbled upon it here. If you have a spare minute or two, go check him out. He posts pictures, poems, musings, messages and more. Lovely job. Here are some things he has done (ps – where can I get a falconer’s glove?):

==

HOW TO MEET THE GIRL OF YOUR DREAMS (FOOLPROOF)

Buy a falconer’s glove.

Approach the girl you like wearing the falconers glove.

Ask her “Excuse me, have you seen a falcon fly by here?”

Look up to the sky, hopeful/sad.

If she says “No,” look distraught and ask her if she wouldn’t mind helping you look for your falcon.

No human being would ever turn down an opportunity like this.

Use the time you spend together searching for the falcon to get to know her.

At the end of your search (10 minutes) you will probably need consoling re: the loss of your one true friend.

By this point her interest in you based on the fact that you were able to put so much love and time into the raising of a falcon will more than ensure a second date, and from there it’s just a hop skip and a jump to marriage.

Good luck!

*NOTE: If by chance a falcon does appear out of nowhere, simply say ” (falcon’s name) I’ve missed you so much! Don’t ever scare me like that again!” Then offer to take the girl to dinner for helping you find your lost falcon. Bonus: You just got a free falcon!

==

SPOT

At the dinner table
upon her going away to college
we discuss what dogs we would all be,
a common enough question
but not one you can answer on your own.
You cannot choose
because we cannot all be show dogs
purebreds
or winners of races.
But if we are lucky
honest
and spirited at all the right times
some can get named
half-golden retrievers
with big sloppy smiles
warm and perfect for cuddling.

==

MUSEUM

Question:

How important is it,
On a scale of one to ten
for an adult human being to know what a stegosaurus is?

Answer: 4

Question:

How important is it
for an adult human being to not not know what a stegosaurus is?

Answer: 8.5

==

GRIND

When you’re in the midst of a breakdown

remember that others with far more to lose

and much further to go

have been where you are

and emerged unscathed

by doing little more

than continuing forward

with their heads down

and their boots tightly laced.

==

THOUGHTS OF A PROPERTY MANAGER

Been washing the cement
on this same parking lot
every day for the past six years.

No one pays me.
Just like doing it.

It doesn’t get much cleaner
than it was the day before.

But the smell is nice

And I get to wave to people
on their way
to whatever jobs
they’ve been cut out to do.

Don’t know the name of the man who owns this parking lot
or where this hose is connected
but I like what I do.

And I don’t have to dress up for it.

2 responses to “Dallas Clayton: writer, illustrator, generally awesome

  1. Oh super! The lightness of it is deceiving. He’s cleaning the parts other poems can’t reach.

  2. Pingback: Dallas Clayton – warm fuzzy poetry update | Dysonology

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